There’s this thing we all do, and I didn’t even realize how often I was doing it until I really started paying attention.
Someone says something off, or replies in a tone that just doesn’t sit right, or does something that feels a bit disrespectful… and before you even think about it, you feel your whole mood shift. And then somewhere along the day you say it out loud or in your head: “ugh, they really ruined my day.”
I used to say that all the time. And it made complete sense to me.
Because in my head it was very simple. If someone acts a certain way towards you, of course it affects you. Of course it changes your mood. That’s just how it works… right?
But the more I started working on myself, and really looking at my reactions instead of just accepting them, the more that statement started to feel a little uncomfortable.
Because if one person can ruin my entire day, that also means I’ve given that person full control over how I feel. Over my energy. Over my peace. And they don’t even know it.
There’s something Viktor Frankl said that really stayed with me. He talks about how between what happens to us and how we respond, there is a space. And in that space, we have a choice.
And I remember reading that and thinking, okay… but in real life it doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels instant. Someone does something and you react.
But when you slow it down just a little bit, you start to see it.
Someone is rude to you. That’s the event. That part is real and you don’t control it.
But everything that follows, the overthinking, replaying the moment, feeling irritated for hours… that all happens after. In that space.
And that’s where it gets interesting, because that means it’s not as automatic as we think. It’s just a pattern we got used to.
And then there was another shift for me, which honestly changed a lot.
I started realizing that not everything is about me. Actually, most things aren’t. We all know this. But we don’t use it.
The way people react, their tone, their energy, the way they show up in a moment… it often has very little to do with you and a lot to do with what they’re carrying that day.
Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe something happened right before they spoke to you. Maybe they’re overwhelmed and don’t even realize how they come across.
There’s even a concept in psychology, the fundamental attribution error, that explains this. We tend to believe that other people’s behavior reflects who they are as a person, while we explain our own behavior by looking at our situation.
So if someone snaps at you, it’s easy to think “they’re just rude.” But if you snap at someone, it’s “I’m tired, I had a long day, there’s a lot going on.”
Same behavior. Completely different interpretation.
And even spiritually, this comes back in a lot of teachings.
Eckhart Tolle explains that people act from their level of consciousness, which basically means people respond based on what’s happening inside of them, not just what’s happening around them.
Stress comes out as irritation. Pain can come out as distance. Overwhelm shows up in short answers or lack of patience.
So again, not everything you receive is actually about you.
And I think once you really start to understand that, you stop taking everything so personally, and that alone already protects so much of your energy.
That doesn’t mean you accept everything or that boundaries don’t matter, because they do. But it does mean you don’t give every small moment the power to take over your entire day.
For me, it started with something very simple.
Just pausing for a second when something happens. Not always, because I’m still human and sometimes I react before I even think. But the moments I do catch it, I ask myself: is this really about me, and do I want to give this situation this much power?
And most of the time, the honest answer is no.
Because the truth is, people will always be people. They’ll say the wrong things, react in ways you don’t like, disappoint you sometimes. That part is not going to change.
But what can change is how much of your day you allow that to take.
And I think that’s what taking responsibility really looks like, not blaming yourself for everything that happens, but realizing where your actual power is.
It’s in that small space, the one we usually rush past.
Between what happens… and what you choose to do with it.
And once you start seeing it, even just a little bit, you start moving differently. You protect your energy more. You stop letting small moments turn into heavy days. You stop making everything personal.
And you choose your peace more often.
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