So, for a long time, success in my life looked pretty clear. It meant growing in my career, reaching new goals, improving myself, and always trying to become a better version of who I was the day before. I loved that feeling of progress. The idea that if I worked hard enough, planned well enough, and pushed myself just a little further every year, I would keep moving forward.

And for a while, that definition worked perfectly for me.
But somewhere along the way, something shifted.

For a few years now, I have been very focused on self-improvement. Not in the dramatic “new year, new me” kind of way, but more in the quiet, everyday kind of way. The kind where I slowly started paying attention to how I react to things, how I handle stress, how I show up for the people around me.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to become more positive, trying to stress less, and actively working on avoiding panic attacks using tools I once learned from one of my old therapists (yep, there’s been a few lol). Small adjustments, small realizations, small shifts in mindset that slowly start shaping the way I move through life.

And like many people who are driven and career minded, I have always been very goal oriented. Especially when it comes to work.

I like progress. I like the idea of constantly improving. Becoming a better manager, being more patient with people, learning how to listen better, showing up with positive energy for the people around me. You know, the usual things we all quietly try to get better at as we grow.

That part of me has not disappeared. Not even close.

I still love a challenge. I still want to reach new levels in my career. The idea of breaking glass ceilings, especially as a Black woman, motivates me deeply. It excites me. It pushes me to grow and to keep developing myself professionally.

But in particular becoming a mom of two has shifted something inside me in a way I did not fully expect.

Before motherhood, I was extremely structured. I am still someone who loves structure, but back then it played an even bigger role in my life. I am very much a list-type-person. I plan things. I like knowing what is coming next. I like having things organized down to the smallest detail.

If you have ever travelled with me or attended one of my events, you probably know exactly what I mean. I am the type of person who will make an itinerary and actually follow it. (🙃)

But the flip side of that is that when things did not go according to plan, I could get genuinely frustrated. Sometimes stressed. Sometimes even panicked. When you rely heavily on structure, unpredictability can feel uncomfortable. Years ago, my cousin tried to warn me to not plan everything to the T. He told me to try to just go with the flow. Set some goals and just reach them however the universe decides you’re gonna reach them. But I guess I wasn’t ready…

Lately though, one of the biggest things I’ve been working on when it comes to personal growth is learning how to let go a little more.

Which is interesting, because one of my mottos has always been (be warned, it’s super cliché): Everything will be okay in the end, if it is not okay, it is not the end.

I have said that phrase for years, but recently I have started living it more intentionally.

A big part of that shift came from focusing more on being present. Really present. Not half present while thinking about the next task on my list, but actually experiencing the moment that is happening right now.

Reading The Power of Now played a surprisingly big role in that transformation. That book stayed with me and made me think a lot about how often we are mentally somewhere else instead of where we actually are.

Instead of constantly thinking about what comes next, I have been trying to appreciate what is happening now.

If something does not go according to plan, then it simply does not go according to plan.

My wedding day was a perfect example of that.

Everything was organized down to the smallest detail, and still, like with most big events, a few things did not go exactly the way they were supposed to. But you know what? (Most of) It did not matter. It was still one of the best days I have ever experienced. (Best. wedding. ever.) At some point the focus shifted from execution to simply enjoying the moment, the people, the energy, the celebration.

We were just going on vibes, and honestly, that made the day even better.

And then there are the twins.

Ah, the twins.

Listen…my girls are -not to brag- so freaking funny! It is impossible to not be in the moment and enjoy their silliness. They have this way of making the smallest moments feel big. The way they laugh, the little things they figure out, the tiny expressions they make when they are proud of themselves.

I genuinely find myself watching them and thinking, how are they this smart already?

I am obviously biased, but I am convinced they are tiny Einsteins.😌

I’m having a blast watching them grow, laugh, learn, play, and even sleep. And somewhere in between those little everyday moments, something quietly changed in how I look at success.

Because when I sit there watching them play or laugh or figure something out for the first time, I am completely in the moment. Not thinking about work emails, not thinking about the next goal, not thinking about the next milestone. Just being there.

And that feeling is incredibly powerful.

Which brings me to something I have been realizing more and more lately.

My definition of success has changed.

Success used to be very closely tied to achievement. Career milestones. Professional growth. Reaching goals. And while those things are still important to me, they are no longer the only or even the most important measure.

These days, success also looks like something much quieter.

Success means that I allowed myself to fully experience the day. Success means that my family feels content and present with each other. Success means that I did not rush through life chasing the next accomplishment while missing the beauty of the moment I was already in.

It means we laughed today. It means we enjoyed each other’s presence.

And maybe that sounds simple, but to me it feels like a deeper form of success than anything I was chasing before.

Another belief I hold onto is something else that sounds as cliché as the previous one (lol) but carries a lot of truth for me:

Happiness is a choice.

We often make life far more complicated than it needs to be. But when you really think about it, there are only two things in life that are not choices. Being born and eventually leaving this world.

Almost everything in between involves some level of choice.

So if that is the case, then choosing happiness becomes incredibly powerful.

Choosing to slow down. Choosing to enjoy the moment. Choosing to focus on the things that actually matter when you look back at your life years from now. That’s part of my success.

Ambition is still part of my life and always will be. I will keep striving, keep growing, and keep reaching for new heights.

But alongside that ambition, I now carry a different measure of success.

One that values presence just as much as progress.

Because sometimes success is not the next milestone.

Sometimes it is simply realizing that the life you are living right now already contains the moments that make everything worth it.