‘When you hold that beautiful baby in your arms you’ll forget all about the pain’
‘Pregnancy is the most wonderful experience’
‘You won’t regret it’
These are things many women say after they’ve delivered their babies. And when looking and listening around me I find that, indeed, I have never met anyone who regrets it.
But I was also approached by a smart strong, beautiful women who wanted to let her story be known.
She always knew that she wanted to have children. She did the basic research, talked to women who have been through pregnancy, used Google to prepare herself as much as possible. She was ready to start this journey.
And it was an experience like no other. All the conversations she had, everything she read was nothing compared to what she went through.
‘I don’t want to be pregnant anymore’
She was about two months in. Calling her best friend crying because she was sick of being so sick. She wasn’t able to work anymore, she was almost graduating and wasn’t even able to go to her final classes. She was constantly sick. Throwing up all day every day and was nauseous 24-7.
And of course, she knew about the morning sickness but imagine that from the minute you wake up to the minute you try to sleep you feel like throwing up…for about 6/7 months…
This is one of the things that she experienced.
She became very dependent on the people around her because she couldn’t go anywhere so her life kind of just stopped and she hated it. She was always a very independent woman who took charge of things.
She wasn’t able to eat any kind of meat, even the smell made her throw up. So apart from the daily nausea it got worse when people around her were eating.
She also had a very small belly. Until the last day of her pregnancy you could barely see anything which made her feel like she wasn’t getting the full pregnancy experience. This resulted in various moments where she stressed about the health of her baby.
Many of us don’t realize the emotional ride pregnant women go on. Apart from all the emotions obviously hormones play a huge role so she felt very depressed. She had moments where she just wanted it all to stop.
Luckily she got through it, but then she experienced giving birth. Her labor had to be induced and she experienced a pain like she never felt before. And yet again, she knew that it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park but everyone told her that once that beautiful baby was in her arms it would be all worth it and she would “forget” about the pain of giving birth.
But she didn’t… she remembers every single thing about the days in the hospital. From the moment they inserted the balloon to start inducing to the moment that she had her last push. Unfortunately she also had to get stitches and had a very hard recovery so that made the experience even harder on her.
She gave it a couple of weeks because she knew that having a baby would change her life but she had a really hard time enjoying her baby’s first weeks. She was very unhappy and emotional and the first time she held her baby in her arms she did not feel what people described when they talk about that experience. She didn’t feel happiness, that connection or the heavenly joy that people say you should feel.
She is traumatized. Plain and simple. She always wanted a couple of kids but that dream went away after her experience.
It took a couple of weeks but now she feels the bond that she hoped for. She still struggles with many emotions. She’s always concerned that she’s not doing things right but I guess that’s something every new mother feels.
Eventhough she’s getting used to being a mommy she still has very hard moments and struggles to be truly happy. She’s doing her best and she’s aware that if the emotional struggle continues that she should take steps to talk to someone, just in case she’s dealing with postnatal depression.
I am happy that she wanted to share her story because many women wouldn’t open up about something so personal. And the fact that she’s aware that there could be a possibility of depression and tends to deal with it head on is something to be very proud of. Not many people are comfortable enough with themselves to face such serious issues and deal with them head on.
So I always encourage people to talk to someone, anyone just so you feel and know that you don’t have to deal with these kinds of issues alone! 🙂