2019, a year full of self-discovery, intense emotions, fighting disorders and feeling every feeling wholeheartedly.
Just like most people around us, I have been reflecting on this past year and trying to learn a lesson from all of it. There have been a lot of conversations sparked around me -some good, some bad- by the subjects that I chose to post, and the main thing that I got out of these discussions and talks, is that the majority of my peers struggle with finding themselves and realizing the importance of living (semi) goal-oriented. I am thankful to have friends and family who are opening up to me and telling me how they deal with their struggles and challenges. It may sound weird but sharing these kind of things kind of gives you a little more strength and energy because you know you’re not alone and together it will all go a little easier. But most of all, talking through some things give you the opportunity to see things from another perspective.
So to break down my oh so cliche lessons, here’s a little list of the things that I will take with me in the year 2020 and more importantly a list that YOU might find helpful as well 🙂
You are not alone; sounds logical right? Then why do you choose to go through things by yourself? Even if you don’t have people around you that you trust with whatever is going on, there are so many groups where you can just be you and share what you need to. And okay…I get it..not everyone is comfortable with opening up about things but even reading blogs or watching vlogs and interviews can make you connect with that blogger/vlogger and make you realize that so many people go through so many things that you can probably relate to and believe me, even that helps a little bit when you feel hopeless and lost you know. So just try it out 😉
Therapy is not, I repeat NOT for the weak, for the crazy (debatable what crazy really is but that’s a discussion for another time) or whatever label people keep putting on it; I can’t stress this enough. I’m so tired of people judging others for seeking out help. Tired of the taboo around mental health. Even the mentally strongest people I know go to therapy, because sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, sometimes you just need some tools to deal and cope with certain things in your life and sometimes you need to talk to someone with the knowledge to give you another way of looking at things. Stop shaming people for wanting to get better. It has nothing to do with you so why do you need to bring that negativity around them? And for the people who want some extra help but are afraid to go to therapy…dude…whats the worst thing that can happen… you don’t like it? Then you find another therapist and if you feel like it is not for you then you stop going. It’s realllyyyy not that hard once you shift your mindset.
Let go of fear (with courtesy of Will Smith); so if you haven’t been following Will Smith, he has been very open about getting to know himself in various ways and one of the things that he said that kind of stuck was this;
At the point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear. It’s bliss. Why were you scared in your bed the night before? What do you need that fear for? Everything up to the stepping point, there’s actually no reason to be scared. It only just ruins your day. The best things in life are on the other side of terror, on the other side of your maximum fear, are all of the best things in life.”Will Smith
Rejection is a gift ( Thank you Michelle Obama) Now that is not how she said it specifically, but that is how I interpreted it. Without rejection, you won’t have a chance to grow. To think about the things you could’ve done differently and even about the things that did not go wrong. You will be prepared for the next situation! (btws please go read ‘Becoming’, such an amazing book!)
Make it a habit to frequently take some time for YOU; it doesn’t even matter what it is. I like to meditate, do yoga, read, write and take care of my spiritual needs. The important thing is to learn by being by yourself, getting to know yourself and make peace with who you are. In my opinion this can only happen when you do it alone. Find things that bring you inner-peace, things that make you calm and truly happy.
Your career is important but your health/happiness is everything; I don’t really think this needs an extensive explanation but I do think I need to say this; I have been in a situation where I needed to put my career on the back burner just to be okay. It sounds easy but it was pretty hard to do. Luckily my manager (and the company) gave me 100% space to grow and heal. And honestly.. If your company doesn’t do that you should really rethink wanting to work for them in the first place… Just saying.
If something or someone brings out negative energy, it’s okay to take a step back Listen, sometimes something you’re used to doing or someone can bring out a side of you that you don’t like. You get negative, irritated or just annoyed in general. If you don’t like the person you are because of something in your life or someone in your life it’s okay to distance yourself from that situation. If something affects your happiness..change it.
Experience new things. Move to Singapore (:)), take on Krav Maga, start painting, start a blog, take a damn bike ride in the park! What’s the worst that can happen? If it doesn’t work out you move back home, stop kicking peoples asses, write instead of paint, close your blog and get back up when you fall off your bike because a peddle got stuck in your wheels. And then you move on! Mantra: “But did you die?!”
Stop doing things out of habit if it doesn’t make you feel good; to work towards a happier life try to really see how you’re living it. If you haven’t already taken on this “lesson” you’ll see that there are many things that you do just because you’re used to it. Could be small stupid things even. Like me going to this place every year on the 31st of December just out of habit while I never really wanna go lol. So this year I’m going somewhere else 🙂 🙂 or you doing groceries on Saturday morning because that’s when groceries are supposed to be done. Well let me tell yah.. if you go in at 8 pm on a Tuesday night, the whole store is basically yours! ( you’re welcome)
Accept that life will always throw challenges at you. Realize that you will go through things and don’t worry too much about things that haven’t happened yet.
LET GO; yes.. I said LET GO. Don’t calculate everything you do, every step you take or over-analyze everything that happened or every convo you’ve had. If something feels right just do it (within the limits of the law of course :)) Make stupid mistakes, do dumb things, and learn from it.
Start living for you! where-ever you are, whatever you do, people are gonna have an opinion about whatever you do or say. I’ve heard it too many times:
‘What will people think…What will people say’
Who cares??? if some things make you happy, if you want to do something new and scary, if you want to switch up your career or whatever other thing you’re scared of doing because of people… just do it! They’re gonna have an opinion about you anyway so NOT doing something will only cost you your happiness. Not theirs.
You do not owe ANYBODY anything; I think this is one of the most important things you need to take with you. Make it your mantra! If you start living for you, listen to your inner-self (your jeje (Surinamese word lol)) you will know what to do and when to do it. Because it will just start to make sense you know.
So now that we got our cliche lessons out of the way, I just wanted to say that I hope you all have an amazing 2020 and start to be who you want to be and live how (and where) you want to live 🙂