The tricky side of domestic abuse

A couple of years ago I met this great girl who’s been going through this without even knowing it.

Sounds weird doesn’t it? Well it’s not. When we think about domestic violence we immediately think of someone being beat and scolded but it’s so much more than that.

My friend had been in a relationship for about 5 years with a guy who used to manipulate her in any way possible. He would make up stories about her friends (that sounded realistic at the time) to get them out of her life. He didn’t want her to go out (without him) and in the beginning he would start fights and arguments when she did. It got to a point where she didn’t think it was worth the fights so she eventually just stayed in and make excuses when her friends asked her to do something.

She’s a fun loving girl who loved hanging out with her friends and going out. In the 5 years that they were together she had been out about 5 times. All with him. She slowly (not that slowly) started to change and even her family made comments about it.

He always used to make sure that her whole world revolved around him and that all of her attention was focused on him. When something big (good or bad) happened in her life he always had something going on that was bigger and needed more attention according to him.

When you see this on paper, it kind of looks like it’s logical to get out of such a relationship, but it’s really not.

These guys are usually very loving and caring and fun but in between all those good times the manipulation and attention seeking are right there as well. So when you try to get out of it and voice this decision they make sure to create memorable and loving situations that make you fall back and think ‘okay, maybe it’s not that bad…I’m probably just overreacting’.

But you’re not!

My friend literally hadn’t seen/talked to her best friends from since she was 10 in years! And she did miss them but he had this motto that you don’t really need friends because you have your family and your significant other and like stated before, he didn’t think they were real friends anyway.

The funny thing is, when someone tried to talk to her about it, she always defended him even though she didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore.

The problem was that he was all she knew. It may sounds stupid but she was scared of being alone. (The lived in another country and she had never been/lived on her own before).

Luckily she got to a point where she couldn’t take it anymore and she left.

And according to her family and friends she almost immediately turned back to the funny, witty loving person she used to be.

So why did I feel like I needed to put her story out there? Because people need to know that domestic abuse can take on many forms. And I know, it sounds logical but when you are in the situation, it’s not always that clear.

According to me (and I think most of the world) you really need to know yourself before getting in a relationship, know what you allow and what you don’t and don’t comprise if your happiness will get affected by it!

What’s your take on this?

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Just a millenial who loves to write, travel and hang out with friends and family!

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