My own story; the start of this blog

At the age of 28, I decided to move back to Suriname after living in Rotterdam for 10 years. I was nervous but thrilled to start my life back home (haven’t been back in 4 years). And it was great!

I loved being home but I started to notice something. You have to imagine that most people haven’t seen me in at least 4 years and one of the first things that many people asked was “sooo…have any kids yet?”

Obviously my answer was “nope, no kids yet!” Reaction: “Wow, you’re almost 30 it’s really time to start a family don’t you think??”

This has made me so mad so many times! But in the beginning I answered as friendly as I could; *while fakely smiling* ” Yeah, well when the time is right” or something in that manner. But when people put you in that situation over and over again it gets harder and harder to react the way that they want you to react. So I stopped..

I know many women feel the same way and I’m sure this does not only happen in my culture. People need to stop asking this period! Think about it; you do not know a person’s situation; you do not know why she doesn’t have kids and frankly, its none of your business!

So I’ve decided to just tell people why I’m this “old” without kids and that I think it is really rude to ask something like that. Now when people come up to me with that question I just openly tell them that I have miscarried just to shut them up. Which is not the way to tell something that touchy. I never really talked about it with many people and then I started asking myself why not? There is nothing to be ashamed of and by talking more about it I found out it happens to so many women around me!

Apart from miscarrying, there are so many other reasons why women do not have children at a certain age; maybe they can’t get pregnant, want to focus on their careers first or just don’t want kids.

Whatever the reason, it is really none of your business to ask that question!

This experience really made me think and made me decide to start this platform. Just a place where any issue can be up for discussion; because believe me, whatever the case, somewhere in the world there is someone who is going through the same thing and according to me sharing just makes it a little more bearable.

Don’t you agree? 🙂

24 responses to “My own story; the start of this blog”

  1. Beautifully written, Mey! I think many women & men can learn from this. I am proud of you & looking forward to your next blogpost.


    1. Thank you for the support Larissa! I hope more people will join in the discussion 🙂


  2. I have read this encouraging blog. And I am 38 years old and dont have a child yet. But imagine the amount of times this painfull question has been asked. Also imagine the amount of times I have rudely answered this question.
    While my husband and I continue our journey into eventually being blessed, thanks to your blog in this matter you have inspired me to formulate my next steadfast answer on the topic: Gaat het jou wat aan? Is it your Business???

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing your story Cheryl! That’s the thing; the question “do you have kids?” Is fine but the minute they start to voice their judgemental opinion it just gets rude. I wish you and your husband much luck, whatever the outcome may be!


  3. I totally agree with you. been asked that question multiple times and been compared to my younger sister who already had one.I always answered but also said that you can’t just ask people that.
    you don’t know why they don’t have children (yet). if we even can have children..
    then you put ideas in our heads about it and when it turns out it was not in the cards for you, you’re disappointed.
    so i always set those comments aside and had the idea if it is meant to be it will happen but if not there is also nothing wrong with that.
    i didn’t have to endure what you did so maybe it was easier for me but i can place myself in your shoes and so many other women.

    lots of love!


    1. Great way to put it Amber! Indeed, because of this question certain thoughts enter your head, you start to question yourself. All because someone else decided that you should live your life differently. Thanks for your story!


  4. Chapeau!


  5. Dear Mey,
    I’m so proud of you for starting this blog and for you to speak your mind. I know it is one of the hardest things to do.

    I agree about “that question” people constantly ask. It doesn’t matter if they’ve seen you 4 years ago or just last week haha they will still ask… when are you going to have kids? You my dear are just 30, guess how many times I’ve got to “dodge” that question? I’m 37! And yes, I still play the “miscarriage-card”. It shuts them up, but also it lets them know that I still Wish to have kids of my own.

    Anyway, congratulations on your blog. I’m looking forward to reading more.



    1. Thanks Jill! It’s really sad that we now use that experience to defend ourselves. Because it’s a very personal topic that should be dealt with however we feel we should deal with it. But now people force you to use it to shut them up. Hopefully this will change over time.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I totally feel your story. People look at me as if I’m an alien for not having kids at 35.
    I don’t want to/have to explain my reasons to everybody. So I guess I’ll stay an alien for now.
    Congrats and goodluck with the blog.
    Bosi en brasa.


    1. Thanks Rona! Well, all of us will stay aliens together! As you can see, you’re not alone in this 😉


  7. First of all congrats girl.
    Thanks for opening with this topic.
    I’ve talked to a lot of women and I do ask them but more on personal level. You would be surprised to know how many women struggle with this. Even if you do tell people “I’m pregnant” they be all up in your business asking a lot of unnecessary questions. This causes evenmore irritation/ frustation. Knowing this it made me open my eyes and respect women (people) evenmore. I’m very sorry you had to experience that sending you a big warm hug.


    1. Hey Chiara, thanks for your input! There are different ways to ask this question and if I understand you, you’re way of asking, just wanting to know more about different women is perfectly fine with me. The minute judgement gets in the equation it gets rude!


  8. Well spoken, very brave of you to talk about something so personal. Also totally relatable. First thing that I hear when I tell people I went back to school is: “don’t you think you should like settle down and start a family at your age?” Or “tick tock tick tock, not affraid you’ll be to late to get pregnant?”. Or my favorite: “aren’t you to old to go back to school? What about your future? Shouldn’t you just get a job?”. As if going back to school and putting a hold on everything else wasn’t the hardest thing I ever had to do and the love of my life can just be ordered online with a lifelong guarantee for succes. I’m not the kind of girl who settles just because I’m getting older and running out of time. Is it scary? Fuck yeah. But first things first..


    1. Thanks for sharing Shari, and for getting the going back to school issue out there. I too start school again in february and the reactions are often plain stupid. I plan to write about it as well!


  9. expressenglishreview Avatar

    Interesting topic! Congratulations on the initiative.
    I have been through the same interrogation often and as much as I love children and desire to have my own, I have chosen my career first. When I’m ready for a baby it’ll come, despite being 30 I don’t feel ready yet because I barely have free time. Alles op zijn tijd


    1. Thanks for the support! I totally get where you’re coming from. Right now I’m also focussing on my career and growing professionally and personally. How much more fun will it be when our kids will have an example of women who worked on theirselves first! We need to be where we need to be before we can be able to give our all to a child. That’s my opinion at least. Many women do it differently and that’s fine. But than my way should me considered fine as well!


  10. […] all my emotions came out. Specifically my dad’s passing and the miscarriage I talked about in my earlier post were hard to deal with. I had panic attacks, at times I started crying without really knowing why […]


  11. […] me tell you something, and this basically comes down to the message I have been sending out in my first and second posts as well. It is your life. There is literally no one who should tell you what to do […]


  12. […] We decided to work on an awareness project with regards to the taboo of discussing miscarriages. You can read my full story here. […]


  13. I hate that question! My husband and I cannot have children. We have been through 2 very emosional and sad failed IVF procedures. I now just tell people “ we cant”. But it still hurts every time! It is sad that we are judged by having children. The worst is that people believe that children are the reason for our existance. Does that mean that I do not have a purpose? People can be so incensitive!


    1. Hi Mickey, thank you for sharing your story! And I agree, society makes us sort of believe that if we don’t have children, we are just not doing “life” right. I hope you and your husband are doing well and that whatever you do/whatever happens in the future, you make sure to be happy in any situation 😉


      1. Thank you Mey! What I have learnt is that there is no fixed steps to follow in life. Some people have kids and others don’t. Some get married and others stay single. Some are straight and others are gay. At the end of the day we are all unique and should embrace our own story. Never compare your story with someone else’s. Good luck with your blog! Looking forward to your next post.


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